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Crybaby
2004-11-13, 1:13 a.m.
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Very happy birthday to luvabeans
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Today was an interesting day. By the end of the day today, I was almost in tears. It�s an auto coping mechanism for me, which I find very strange. When I am super duper under pressure for whatever reason it�s all I can do to not cry. I�m not a cry baby at all. It�s not that kind of crying. There is no whining involved. It�s kinda the same as that person who laughs when they are nervous or upset (like at a funeral or something) when it�s not the least bit funny, and they aren�t trying to be funny. It just comes. Sometimes it�s damn embarrassing, since so many people see tears as a sign of weakness. For me it just seems to be a release which is sometimes necessary. And it is so totally stress related. I once had someone look at me and say, �But why are you crying, it�s not sad, there�s nothing to cry over,� and I�m like: �I KNOW! It just happens. Leave me alone!� At any rate, it was just a bad, and really, there was stuff to cry about. Lots happened and suddenly my expenses per month ballooned an additional $400, which is a fair bit of money. I was informed that I am DEFINITELY going to Puerto Plata Nov 27, which made me very upset, because with that loss of $400 per month (now having to go to expenses) and Christmas, I can�t afford Babybear�s plane ticket. Which means he has to stay behind, and I have to go without him. I am glad to go to Puerto Plata. I shouldn't complain, my job has some awesome fringe benefits. But I really don�t want to be away from Babybear for a week. Perhaps some miracle will happen and there will be some awesome seat sale (I have someone at the airline checking rates and space for me daily) and at the same time Babybear�s father will actually pay some support, and I can use that to take Babybear with me. But�I doubt it. The seats are already sold out from Toronto to Puerto Plata with this airline between now and Nov 22, so I can�t see seats for the 27th being around for much longer, let alone dropping in price. Last time I was away from Babybear that long I cried, and he cried, and we cried on the phone together. It was a big pathetic cry fest.
Oh well, really, I can't complain. Way worst things can happen aside from having a week in the DR alone. Besides, a very dear friend of mine is going on a diving trip to Cozumel in February, and most likely Babybear and I will be accompanying him for the week. That would be nicer. At least that would for real be a vacation, not me working 9 hrs a day while Babybear hangs out in a villa, poolside�.the lucky little rug rat. So fingers crossed, hopefully he and I get there. And here I am, professing to not be a cry baby, whining all about how I can�t take my son on a trip with me. But it wasn�t that�.it was tons of things on top of one another, and that just made me extra emotional.
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I�m not spoiled or anything. It's just that Babybear is such a beach bum. He just loves the water and the sand (as do I), and we have somuch fun together there. If it were not for my concern over his education and health care, he and I would already be living in the DR. I even think that growing up in a third world country would give him a better perspective on life. Make him truly appreciate what we have here. It�s incredible. Most Canadians and Americans go there expecting I don�t know what, and they have a complete fit because hot water was out for 30 mins one day. And all I can think is �Do you realize that the maintenance person you were just screaming at hasn�t had running water in his home for 5 days? Or electricity for over week?� Because water and electricity are precious commodities in the DR. And it�s not that the water was out, it was just the hot water wasn�t fully functioning for about 30 mins�.people need to relax. But anyways, I would like Babybear to be aware of those things, and you are far more aware of it when you are there, seeing it, then you are sitting in your nice warm house. Even living there, we would still be above the very fortunate, just because of my job. Some families in the DR live off of US$85 a month. A whole family works for and lives off that. I know many people who wouldn�t even get out of bed in the morning for that. It�s incredible. And I�m just sad. I was really looking forward to some quality time with Babybear there. I will miss him. A lot. You'll hear about it. THEN you can call me a cry baby!
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Was looking forward to getting to my dojo this evening. Really need to burn off some frustration, etc. Ended up over extending my knee and popping it again. It hurt like a SOB. One of the katas I am currently working on has two � turns, a bunch of half turns, and then shutos while walking in back stance. Back stance hurts. And according to all the Black belts I know, it never gets easier. That�s just one of those things that you just do. Walking in back stance�.that hurts even more. And that never gets easier too. And it puts all the nasty pressure on the worst spot in the one knee. I keep meaning to pick up a knee brace�.and I keep forgetting. I suck.
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K. I am going to geek out and play �Luigi�s Mansion� on my Gamecube. Some people like to play DOOM or something and blow shit up. Me? I suck up ghosts with my vacuum cleaner and turn �em back into paintings. How cool am I?!? I had a lot of fun with Prisoner of Azkaban too. Most disappointing part of that game: Snape. Snape is there daunting Harry, Ron and Hermione�s steps, but he opens his mouth and speaks�.and it ain�t Alan. Even before the thought of casting PS/SS, I had Alan in mind�s eye as Snape, the voice, the mannerisms�all of it pointed to him. And you have to admit�that voice�..well, it just sucked that this video game Snape was so not Snape. But it was still an awesome game. Anyways, I must find Mario. King Boo has him trapped in a painting, and all these ghosts keep trying to get me, and this guy with crazy hair keeps messaging me on my gameboy and�.it�s pretty bad when your cideo game characters use their own video game IN the game�.LOL
Saludos!