Seriously.

Day to day life is �war�, and I have become quite adept at fighting it (which is utterly hilarious, because I�m really a very peace loving, harmonious, Libran hippy type). But I strategize my thoughts, actions, etc, in such detail, the only way to describe it is to tell you, I would be a world class tactician. Hannibal, Sun Tzu, Khan, Alexander, Napoleon, Patton � yeah � I�d join the ranks, if only the world would recognize our daily battles.

Firstly, I parent a teenager. Now, I am only 28, and had really thought that I would have another 8 years or so before I had to venture into that realm. Then again, I made the shift from full time live in Nanny to full time parent to said teenager when I was 14 � didn�t expect that either, but it has prepared me well for life. I am sure every parent will agree that parenting a teenager is warfare. Mine is one of those teenagers who is very adept at lying (a skill possessed by most teens, but this girl takes the cake). I have to be fair � she has really grown a lot in the past year, and I am very proud of said growth. But she still skips school and bullshits me about, she�s dicking around with her job, and she�s reacquainted herself with an unsavoury group of peers � I do not want to see her fall back into her daze of chemical induced apathy. She�s a bright kid, got a good future � I really hope she doesn�t blow her hard earned progress.

I tend to have an uncanny ability to see through her bullshit, and know what�s really going on. I have received accolades from a number of other parents, teachers, etc, who are utterly shocked by the ways in which I catch them doing their no-goodness, and suss out the truth. Divide and conquer, people, divide and conquer. And it�s hard work, you gotta strategize your every move, plan out what you say, to whom, and how.

And the worst part is how they hate you for trying to help them. H-A-T-E you. A seething loathing for interfering in their lives. Well GEEZUS, stop being a dumb ass and take some responsibility for yourself!

Secondly, I�m married to a man who has ADHD. This is akin to being married to a spoiled 6 year old child. He even makes cutesy faces when he�s been a dick, like a kid getting away with something bad. He is also hyper sensitive � any attempt to help/rectify, etc, is interpreted as a personal attack, which he nurses and fosters over a period of time, then rears its ugly head later. The man burns through money like he has an unlimited supply, has no idea where it goes, or if it even came in. And any time you try to address the issue, he acts as though this is something new that has never occurred to him before. Beyond frustrating.

I have a school aged child. Who is very intelligent, charming, charismatic, and highly resourceful. All things that make me very proud as a parent. I know these things will serve him well in life, when he learns to use his super powers for good. In the present, he still uses these powers for evil, satisfying his little id at every self gratifying opportunity. That�s his job. And he is very good at. Very good. I watch him manipulate those he can (Hubby, friends, certain other adults). I can see him calculate whet he�s doing � it impresses me, in a disturbing kinda way. He will be my nemesis in his teenaged years�

And I have pets. More self gratifying beasts. I am still having issues with Chip peeing in house. On Tuesday night, he went into the litter room, dug around in the litter box, came out, and peed on the floor in front of it. Can�t get a urine sample from him, cause he pees on the carpet or in the tub, not even in the bowls anymore. So last night I lock him in the bathroom (linoleum tiles � picked up the bath mat), with a clean litter box with No-Sorb (little black plastic beads � gives him something to scratch at, but still get a clean sample), put a plug in the tub so if he did choose to go there, it could catch it there. The little bastard managed to pull the plus out, and peed down the tub drain. Fuck. So I fixed his little red wagon. Locked him back in the bathroom for the day today, and this time, I filled the tub with water. Let�s see him unplug it now!

See? Day to day guerilla warfare. And that doesn�t even mention the workplace, the grocery store, the gas station, or the government.

Hannibal may have crossed the Alps, but he would have been S.O.L. in our shoes, eh ladies?

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